God in Trouble with the Law
A Brooklyn businessman who was named after his Russian grandfather is experiencing some supernatural pains as he deals with one credit-reporting agency. Due to the fact that his name is God, the agency falsely reports him as having no financial history – which the original God would probably lack as well. Unfortunately this is keeping one very real man from creating his own piece of heaven on earth by buying his own home. His prayers have yet to be answered as the agency is still giving him grief, prompting him to threaten that if they don’t resolve this soon they’ll really feel God’s wrath.
Fighting Tooth and Nail for Missing Teeth
After sneezing while on his motorcycle, a biker was shocked when his dentures flew out of his mouth and onto the expressway. He pulled over to look for his chompers as his chopper sat idling and caused a major traffic jam. Police officers eventually ordered him to move on and it was not determined whether or not the man found his dentures. The biker is no longer smiling but his dentist certainly is as he contemplates charging an arm and a leg for some new teeth.
Would You Like Crispy Fries with That?
A truck carrying roughly 40,000 pounds of French fries caught fire in a Wal-Mart parking lot, where the driver pulled over after he began smelling smoke. Faulty brakes were the culprit and no one was injured in the initial fire but once word spread about what was happening, Wal-Mart shoppers flocked to the scene looking for a free meal. Large and angry crowds ensued and the local fire department had to threaten those in the parking lot with the hose to get them to cool down. No word from the driver, who was last seen charging people by his truck $2 for ketchup packets.
No News is Good News
While traveling through Austria, a 59-year old man walked into a police station to simply ask if he was under investigation for anything. Turns out, he was, for four counts of fraud and embezzlement. It’s unclear whether the man had been drinking heavily prior to his inquiry but either way, he was quickly transported to a Salzburg prison to atone for his crimes. When officials asked why he basically turned himself in, he said he had been arguing with his wife while on vacation and going to prison seemed a better alternative. Apparently his wife agreed, as she was the one who drove him to the police station.
Cop’s Pastry Knowledge Used for Greater Good
A surveillance camera caught a car thief red-handed one recent early Monday morning but his face was blurred and he was difficult to distinguish. However he was clearly eating something and the half-eaten cinnamon roll in the parking lot led police to a nearby restaurant, where a staff member identified the customer who purchased the pastry. The officer who put it all together was praised for his sleuth but he brushed it off, saying he was just a guy who really knew his donuts. The criminal was quickly apprehended and soon kicked himself for not even finishing his last meal outside of jail.
What a Boob
Hainan Province, China
A health advocate has a unique way of drawing attention to his cause – collecting bras. Over the past twenty years this man has amassed roughly 5,000 bras of all shapes and sizes and he would like to eventually turn his collection into a museum. He travels around college campuses to inform young women about general breast health and encourages them to get rid of their ill-fitting bras by donating to his campaign. After the women determine he’s not a fetishist, they usually give him an old bra that no longer does the trick. His wife can attest to his genuine nature and the fact that he really does want to educate the public – she can also attest to her desire for him to create a museum so he can get the damn bras out of the house.
For Relationships Already in the Crapper
A local sewer treatment plant is billing itself as a fresh, new place to host weddings and has created an event space to do just that. Couples can rent a room for 8 hours and enjoy AV equipment, a dance floor and full catering kitchen. The money goes towards environmental education programs so partygoers can feel vindicated while they guzzle the vino. Potential renters are assured that smells won’t be a problem but you never know which way the wind might blow. It may not be to everyone’s tastes but some people obviously think the idea is the shit or they wouldn’t have the space to begin with. It can be yours for the price of $2,000 – nose plugs not included.
Need a Breath of Fresh Air?
A Beijing artist returned from a business trip in France with a souvenir that ended up bringing him a pretty penny – fresh air. It’s no secret that the air quality in China is pretty awful and protests have been increasing as people lobby for their government to do something about it. The jar of air the artist brought back went up for auction and sold for roughly $860 – way more than a year’s supply of common dust masks. Officials from the auction haven’t released the name of the person who made the purchase as they didn’t want them being publicly ridiculed for being such a big airhead.