Another Use for Olive Oil when Naked
In a moment of poor decision-making, an Australian man decided to fit himself into his washing machine to see if he could scare his roommates. He was on his way to the shower at the time so he was already nude, which was supposed to make his prank even funnier. Unfortunately, the man got wedged in the washer and so the joke was on him. Rescuers were stuck on how to extract him but wound up dousing the man in olive oil, which helped lube him up. He was safely removed and headed straight to his shower, where he spent the next hour trying to wash away the memories of what had just happened.
Not a Snowball’s Chance in Hell
A 78-year old man nicknamed “Snowball” might want to consider the new nickname of “Lucky” after narrowly avoiding an unfortunate demise. He had been pronounced dead after an extended stay in a hospital and was placed in a body bag, as most dead people are. However, right before the embalming process began, the funeral director got the scare of his life when the body in the bag began kicking and the “dead” man demanded release. The family was mostly overjoyed at this mortuary mix up but the man’s wife was once again in mourning after having to return the new car and designer clothes she had already purchased with her husband’s life insurance policy. “Snowball” is happy for a new lease on life and was last seen buying lottery tickets, a big cigar and some of the finest whiskey available. He was also seen carrying divorce papers.
All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Work
Unemployment is almost 9% in Sweden so it should come as no surprise that any recruiting meeting would be well attended. Unfortunately, when human error caused an invite for such an event to go to an extra 60,000 people, chaos ensued. Thousands upon thousands of frustrated job seekers descended on a local unemployment office and things turned ugly fast when they realized they far outnumbered the number of jobs that were available. Police were called to the scene and apologies were given to everyone who was turned away. Luckily for the unemployed, there will be a few new positions opening up at the unemployment office as soon as the figure out who was behind this colossal screw up.
Up a While, Crocodile
Between sinkholes, hurricanes and face biting lunatics, you would think Floridians would have enough to worry about. However, researchers are now sitting that they have evidence that crocodiles can climb trees, reportedly up to 30 feet in the air. They may not be fast but their persistence pays off because after waiting in the treetops, they will launch themselves at birds just in time to devour a tasty snack. Both tourists and locals alike are being warned of this new discovery as crocodiles falling from trees would only make good business for hospitals, first aid responders and every other state in the U.S. other than Florida.
No Longer Needs Training Wheels
A 10-year-old boy has been involved with the police twice now after stealing a family car for the second time in as many weeks. The first time he made it almost ten miles before wrecking into a ditch on the way to his grandparents’ house, with his 18-month old sister in tow. Most recently he got about 20 miles away before being stopped by authorities, who he told he was a dwarf with a misplaced license. Ingenuity and brass balls aside, this kid is in major trouble with both the law and his family. Despite the excellent driving skills he displayed at such a young age, his antics have helped ensure he won’t be driving again until somewhere around his 40th birthday. Unless he steals another car, in which case he could be on the road again as early as next week.
Vetting for New Vehicles
Bowling Green, KY
The National Corvette Museum was recently floored when a giant sinkhole opened up in one of their showrooms and entirely swallowed eight very valuable Corvettes. Luckily the museum was closed at the time but considerable damage was done to the cars, which are being carefully extracted with a crane over the next few weeks. Workers and employees alike expressed shock at the incident although Americans outside of the state weren’t too surprised. Kentucky has never been the most popular part of the nation, although it’s just now becoming apparent that it sucks so much it’s bringing the entire state down with it.
Grin and Bear It
The head of a Welsh elementary school faced disciplinary action after both students and teachers complained of her teaching style. Among the issues heard before a conduct hearing board was the allegation that she had called a policeman to the school to lecture her students after hearing a rumor that none of them were going to smile in an upcoming school photograph. The officer, after rolling his eyes and surprising a smile of his own, politely told the teacher to get bent as he testified against her during the hearing. The case is no laughing matter but her students can no longer hide their grins at the thought that she may not be returning to their school. No word on whether the teacher herself is smiling throughout the ordeal.